Jury Doodles

I just finished serving jury duty at the Van Nuys Superior Court. My case involved a man who was suing a stripper and strip club for a “fractured penis” injury he received while getting a nude lap dance. The stripper was from Sweden. The strip club owner was a retired porn star. There were many experts. Needless to say, this case was kind of awesome. As a member of the jury, I was given a pad and pen for note taking. The case lasted 7 days. Below are my diligent notes.

UPDATE: Footnotes!!

1) Judge Kaddo was fantastic, witty and charming. 2) Brad Barnes aka. Brick Majors single handedly designed and built Xposed, a true visionary. 3) The defendant. His penis was crushed when the “intoxicated” stripper fell on him. 4) Under him is Brick’s lawyer. Scheming.
5) Stripper’s lawyer. Made a strong case for “hard grinding.” 6) Random audience guy. 7) The stripper, who was from Sweden despite my making her look asian. 8 ) The plaintiff’s lawyer. A big fan of the phrases “On the night in question…” and “with respect to…” 9) Juror #11. Thanks to my diligent notes I was able to deduce that he got a haircut shortly after this sketch was completed. 10) The Stenographer. Unrelenting. Warrior.
11) A bit of a digression into holiday card designs. 12) Starting to lose it a bit…
13) There are a LOT of massage parlors in Van Nuys. 14) Stripper’s lawyer making a case for “hard grinding.” 15) Imaginary guy. 16) The E.R. doctor that stitched the laceration in the plaintiff’s penis. “A straight forward zipper injury.” 14 stitches. -what? 17) A reenactment of the plaintiff being transported from ambulance to hospital while a more substantially wounded patient is being flown in via helicopter.
18) Timeline. 19) A worm and hook. 20) The eagle of justice. 21) Gun. 22) Plaintiff’s urologist #1- Explained the difference between a penis “laceration” and a penis “fracture.” 23) Photographic Evidence. 24) The Capitol Building. 25) Covered Wagon, the only way to travel during the gold rush. 26) Stripper’s Lawyer #2. He filled in a couple times when the other one was off being a lawyer elsewhere. 27) A somewhat classy ride. 28) Grain storage and transport.
29) Skull. 30) Evil Taxidermy. 31) Assorted faces. 32) cat w spider. 33) Halloween! 34) Lots of spiders in Topanga right now.
35) Urologist for the defense. According to his tests, the plaintiff had “wonderful erections… superman erections” 36) his upcoming book “Penis Power.” 37) Xposed lawyer explaining the difference between an “employee” and a “private contractor.” 38) Tent. There was a farmer’s market outside. 39) Do any young children yearn to grow up and become lawyers? 40) Dune buggy. 41) Olive branch.
42) Plaintiff friend #1 – he agreed, “she seemed intoxicated.” 43) Lunch was approaching. 44) Suspicious looking audience member. 45) Psychologist- “He lost his sense of manhood.” 46) Farmer.
47) Owl? with mouse trap. 48) Clock. 49) “Guy who was there” can’t quite corroborate stripper’s intoxication. 50) Updated covered wagon. 51) Snare drum. 52) Street corner. 53) Succulents. 54) Urologist #2 for the plaintiff. “Penis fracture, urine leakage, premature ejaculation.” 55) Classroom collapsing into oblivion.
56) R.C. remote. 57) Hot air balloon. 58) Creature of the deep. 59) Chair. 60) Gopher 61) Gopher killing methods: The smoke bombs don’t work that well but are the most fun. Many online sources say the cat is the ultimate weapon. 62) A house with a well that leads to an underground river and secret “man pad.” 63) Bouncer and security guard.
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21 Responses to “Jury Doodles”

  1. Thank you for this. I started jury duty today and now I know how I can spend my time tomorrow.

  2. So, *COME ON*! What was the verdict! What was the case number?! Is there a transcript of the testimony! These pictures need the story to go with them!

  3. Awesome drawings!!! They would not let us take notes at the trial that I was a juror on. (Georgia)

  4. Jurors are not normally allowed to remove their notes from the jury/court room. Off to the electric chair with you!

  5. dilligent indeed! Thank you, Masta C

  6. So many amazing details… I could write a book…. in a nutshell, we excused the stripper and the strip club of any wrong doings… and i got my picture taken with Brick Majors.

  7. we not only took notes, we were aloud to ask questions of everybody who took the stand, it was kind of amazing. At the end of their testimony, any juror members with questions wrote them down and handed them to the Judge. He then vetted them with the lawyers, and would ask them aloud on record.

  8. nice drawings- you could be an artist if that comedy thing doesn’t work out for you.

  9. …and no pictures of penises. I’m rather surprised at that.

  10. Intersting Crumbian evolution going on there…. thanks for sharing!

  11. yeah, looks like Crumb to me too. and there is definitely a penis.

  12. Nice drawings and all but you could probably be held in contempt for not paying attention you know. Then the Judge could probably order a retrial. I would think about removing these if I were you.

  13. Now I know why juries come up with such irrational and dumb verdicts: they are diddling away and day-dreaming during trial!

  14. These are wonderful. You have the talent to be a cartoon commentary drawer. (Is that the right way to say that). Anyway, really nice.

  15. One of the funniest things I have ever seen!

  16. Deine Story ist nach Europa ├╝bergeschwappt. Interessant, die Sorgen
    der Amerikaner – das lenkt von den echten Problemen ab! Super

  17. you are a goddamned genius mr. roth

  18. many thanks for sharing,
    fun stuff.
    so, what was the verdict?

  19. I am curious about the verdict (unknown to me). It certainly was a curious circus and a perfect example of a waste of valuable resources re: tax payers,precious courtroom resources and jurors time.

  20. Both the stripper and the club were Fully Xcused. (zing!)

  21. Awesome post.